so wow mt hermon. what a blessing! going into it, i had just finished my first year at uci and then i had graduations and preparation and summer school work. oh my gosh i seriously was just on go mode like all the time. on thursday night before we left i had summer school work and lots of prep left and ended up sleeping only 40 minutes before i had to leave…i guess some distracting uci people had something to do with my lack of sleep BUTTT it’s ok :) it was fun haha
when we got there, the deans had everyone just think about their personal expectations and goals for the week. the general gist of mine were to be humble enough to be used and to trust in His will. I wanted my cabin to feel open and honest with each other and that their hearts would be opened and the Lord would reveal Himself to them in new and amazing ways.
the staff drove up on friday and had a sort of retreat before the rest of the conferees came up. that was just a super awesome time to be able to get to know the rest of the staff better and for them to get to know me better. i feel like i’m a person that takes some time to get to know and during that weekend, i was able to open up and be myself around them. we were also just able to finish up any last minute logistical things like crafts or activities for the day.
then the kids came. oh my goshhh i was soooo nervous when the kids were about to come. it’s like you prep and pray and prep and pray for months before camp for these kids that you are going to just pour your heart out to and it all just builds up to that moment when you meet them. i was feeling just so many mixed emotions. anxiety. excitement. joy. fear. my first girl julia came on the evergreen bus and she was really quiet and then my second girl abby came with her parents right before dinner and she was very sweet and talked a little bit more and then my last girl naomi came in the middle of dinner and she was very quiet.
after a couple cabin times and small groups, i could tell that my girls knew all the sunday school answers, so i struggled with just being able to challenge them and test their faith a little to see where their hearts were at. by the middle of the week i was getting a little discouraged because i was struggling with what to say and how i could get at their heart and it didn’t seem like they were really being honest with me, but i was encouraged by another cabin leader who told me that it really isn’t my job to challenge them and test them. it is God who will work in them and change them. i honestly felt a little disappointed in myself after that because i didn’t trust in the Lord’s ability to work in their lives. i was trying to take it into my own hands and trying to challenge them myself. i am there to water and not plant seeds. the Lord will use whatever efforts i put into their lives for His glory, but it is by the Holy Spirit who empowers me to even water the seeds that He laid in their heart.
outside of my cabin, i made some awesome buddies. the kids are hilarious and i grew attached to some of them. i really made an effort to just love on every kid i came in contact with and it was encouraging to see the kids just accept my love and love back. it was so great just to be on the leadership side of camp. being able to mess around with the rest of the cabin leaders and just see what goes on behind the scenes. i think i enjoyed being a cabin leader more than being a conferee. it’s definitely different and you still learn a lot about the Lord and about yourself and you still grow in the Lord, but it’s just in a different way.
overall, i feel like the Lord was faithful and He used me, but it’s hard to see the fruit. i feel like i may have just given them a fun week. i don’t know what a difference i made in their lives, if any. they were regular church goers before they came to camp, so i don’t know if anything i did really convicted them or changed them in any way, but i trust that the Lord is working in great ways in these kids.
can’t wait to do it again next year :)
“the Lord almighty is with us” psalm 46:7
this is my attempt to go deeper. express my feelings…
ok that’s enough for now